Break-ups in high school

You may have a student who is suddenly devastated because they have recently been broken up with by a girlfriend or boyfriend.  We, as adults, may underestimate the grief that the adolescent is feeling over the breakup.  We may view their relationship as brief and unimportant.  You may find yourself throwing comforting statements at your students such as:  "You're too young to understand what love is; this wasn't the real thing."  "You'll feel better tomorrow."  "You're young; you have plenty of time to find a relationship."  "You'll look back and wonder what you ever saw in this person."  (Dolgin, 2011).      These comments, however, are not sensitive to the fact that the adolescent may view this relationship as their only true love for the rest of their life.  "Adolescents are also especially vulnerable to loss because their egos are still evolving and their range of coping skills may not by fully developed.  It is unsurprising, therefore, that experiencing a romantic breakup is among the most common causes of adolescent depression, suicide, and murder (Joyner & Udry, 2000).

What signs can you, as a teacher look out for, that signal that your student is depressed over a breakup? Your student may have reduced academic performance, resulting in slipping grades.  The may also have health problems, such as weight loss or change in attire.  You may catch your student constantly day dreaming, or catch word that they have been self medicating with drugs or alcohol.  Other students may quickly jump into new intense relationships.

What can you do or say to a student to help them get pass a loss?

• Encourage them to express feelings and thoughts.  Talk to them or suggest someone that they can talk to, such as a school social worker.  
• Give them permission to slow down and allow the healing process to begin.  This may include allowing them to step out of class when they feel overwhelmed or having an extended time period to submit an assignment.  
• Help them to understand that there will be up days and down days and to anticipate sadness occasionally.  
• Encourage them to find new ways to enjoy the extra time and new freedom.  Propose ways to do this such as taking up a hobby, making new friends, or engaging in additional work or activities.  These can rebuild confidence and self-esteem.